Mass Effect: Strong in Will
by Ladyamesindy
Summary: A collection of snippets involving the life and career of Commander Sian Shepard. Colonist. Sole Survivor. Sentinel. Story is presented in no particular order, just as the muses grab me. Certain elements of the story are AU. Main characters will be Shepard, Kaidan and Ashley, but others will appear.
1. Finding A Way Through

_A few weeks ago the muses struck me with a couple of ideas to try writing in the Mass Effect fandom. After further thought, I realized I could combine these two ideas into one Shepard story. At the same time, I was trying to decide if I was going to run a generic Jane Shepard through. Ultimately, I came up with Sian (translated from the Welsh it means Jane) who looks quite a bit like the default Jane, but with a few differences. I figured since her character is a bit AU, her story could be too._

_This story will be told in multiple pieces, not one continuous story. This first piece I wrote up with the intention of publishing for Ashley Williams Appreciation week on masseffectlove on tumblr, but I missed it. (day late, dollar short) But here it is._

* * *

It would take the better part of a week to return to the Citadel. Even the _Normandy_ seemed to be dragging its proverbial feet after this last mission.

After the debrief, Shepard had given them time to deal with their grief. Ashley took a day. She dug out her book of poetry, the one her father had given her and that Kaidan had listened to her recite from upon occasion. She retreated to the lounge when no one else was there, sat in the corner and drank a toast to her friend from the bottle of whiskey they'd once shared but never finished, then spent the remainder of the night (and that bottle of whiskey) honoring him as best she knew how. Recitations were involved. There also might have been an audience at one point, but who or what it had been she couldn't quite recall afterwards. For now, though, it would have to be enough. Other responsibilities stood in the way. Duty had to be seen to. A certain rogue Spectre needed to be stopped. In the end, that would be the best way to pay tribute to the man who had been both friend and brother.

Two days later, Ashley's eyes fell to the cabin door as she entered the mess. The hangover was long gone now and the need for food was greater than any residual queasiness that might still be lingering. But that door … Ash sighed. Therein lay the greatest responsibility of them all. Sian had given them a day or two to deal with things as they saw fit. Virmire had been hell in many ways, not simply because of the loss of the Lieutenant, but for the Commander, Ash knew better. _Three days._ It was time to act.

No one tried to stop her as she broke away from the evening meal crowd and approached. Most people knew of their background situation now anyway. If anyone could reach the Commander at this point, the Chief would be the one, right? For once, propriety kicked in and Ash knocked first, but she didn't wait for a response before opening the door and entering. Closing it behind her, she locked it. Just in case.

It was dark. That was predictable. Whenever Shepard had wanted to hide away, to 'deal' with life, as she called it, she had chosen dark rooms. Ash remembered all too clearly the time when she'd been thirteen, Sian had been seventeen.

_"Sian?"_

_"Go away."_

_Ash refused to be pushed away. There was a reason she was eldest. The one who stood up for her sisters. Sian had been sent to live with them and to Ash's way of thinking, that made her a sister too. Besides, being tall for her age made her less of a pushover. Entering the room, she stumbled over something on the floor - a shoe? A book? She wasn't certain which - until she was standing closer to a window where she could pull the shade and allow a little light in to filter some of the shadows._

_"I said, go away."_

_Ash snickered. "Yeah, I heard you," she retorted, "but from what I can see, hiding in the dark isn't doing much for you."_

_"What would you know about it?"_

_The little bit of light from the evening sky outside lighted the floor and Ash finally was able to see her way across the room in relative safety. She missed the edge of the bed, though, but took the hit to the shins in stride. "What's wrong?"_

_A darker than dark lump in the bed rolled away from her then muttering, "You wouldn't understand."_

_Ash sat on the corner of the bed, scooted in a bit so she could pull her knees up. "Try me," she challenged. "Someone at school say something mean to you? Was it Aaron Davis? I could knock him into next week for you if you think it would help? Clean his clock good?"_

_A pause. A hesitation. The slightest of snickers. "No, that's not it," she murmured. "Besides, you're a month too late for that."_

_Ash grinned. "I THOUGHT he looked a bit gimpy two weeks ago. Knocked him right on his ass, didn't you?"_

_Another pause. "Maybe."_

_Ash couldn't hide a grin. She still wasn't sure all the reasons Sian had been sent to live with them almost two years before, but she certainly was glad she had been. Ash had liked her from the minute she'd met her, even though Sian had been quiet and withdrawn. Since then, the older girl had become more outgoing. Rarely did she ever fall back to the completely withdrawn stage. But then again, she'd had that incident with the biotics recently. Maybe ... "Sian?"_

_A heavy sigh, but Sian rolled back to face her. Ash took it as a welcoming sign and scooted further up the bed to be beside her. _

_"I … miss my mom and dad."_

_Ash froze for a moment. It was easy to forget the main reason why Sian had come to live with them when she seemed to fit into their family so well. Scooting over so she could give the older girl a somewhat awkward hug, Ash teased lightly, "But not your older brother?" _

_The snort of amusement was mixed with a strangled sob. "Him, too," she rasped. _

_Reaching out, Ash began combing her fingers through Sian's hair, something her mother had done for her upon occasion when Ash herself would get upset. "I'm sorry."_

_A heavy sigh, but Sian seemed to be relaxing. "I know. You're so lucky, Ash," she murmured. "You have your parents, your sisters. You live in a safe place without fear of slaver raids. You'll never know that fear."_

_Ash winced. "Maybe," she replied, "but we still have to live with the crap tied in with my grandfather's decision at Shinxi. We'll never get a chance for anything better because the brass all view us as …." She paused for a moment, searching for the correct word. "Pariahs."_

_Sian nodded against Ash's touch before moving to sit up. "They're sending me away again," she murmured, finally meeting Ash's eyes even through the dark. _

_Ashley scowled. "The biotics?" she demanded._

_Sian nodded. "Yeah. They're sending me away to be fitted with an implant."_

_"And after?" _

_Sian shrugged. "I'll be eighteen in a month. I can do whatever I want then."_

_Ash felt an ache in her chest and wondered if it even came close to the pain Sian felt. It probably didn't, but it did give her an idea of how the other girl felt at times. It was not a pleasant sensation at all. "What do you want to do?"_

_Sian surprised Ash then, reaching over to grasp her hands and squeeze. "I'm going to enlist." She smiled then. "How can I not? Your folks - your dad especially - has helped me find a way through, Ash."_

_Ash blinked, surprised. "You've been living with us. You know our past. You'll likely be associated with that along the way. What if we just … hold you back? You've seen what they did to dad."_

_Sian nodded. "It's time for that to change," she whispered. _

_"Yeah?"_

_Sian nodded. "Yeah."_

"I know you're in here," Ashley called out as she stepped further into the room.

"Aren't you the smart one then," Sian countered.

Ash snorted and walked over to sit beside her sister on the bed. "Should be," she retorted good naturedly. "I found ways to put up with the likes of you for almost two years, didn't I?"

The noise Sian made then sounded like a cross between a laugh and a cough, almost like she was choking, but Ash knew what was up. Sian might not have admitted it to anyone, least of all herself or the Lieutenant, but there had been something there. And Ash knew it had been a two way street, too. Wrapping her arms around Sian, Ash hugged her tightly, hoping to offer some sort of comfort. God knew she hadn't at the end of the debrief, merely swung harsh words out in her own pain instead. "Sian -"

"I hate losing people under my command," Sian bit out harshly. "Akuze. Eden Prime. But dammit, Ash … this is more than that."

"I know, Sian. I know."

The sob that tore from her then shook them both violently. "Is it … is it possible," she gasped, "that … it feels worse than … than Mindoir?" Sian asked then.

And in that moment, Ash understood all too well just how much Sian had cared. Perhaps the Lieutenant had too. He'd never come right out and said it, but in his quiet and understated way, Ash had seen so much more there. "Much more than possible," she agreed quietly.

A long shuddering sigh rumbled through Sian then. "We weren't … I mean, we didn't …."

Ash smiled as she moved a hand to stroke through Sian's loose hair. "I know," she returned. And then with just a touch of teasing, she added, "You two were dancing around each other like high school teenagers on their first crush!"

The tears began then, rolling quickly down Sian's cheeks and Ash hugged her again. "You did everything right, Sian," she counseled softly. "Kaidan knew that, too. You know damned well that choice was what he wanted."

"Then why does it feel so wrong?" she rasped.

"Good people die in bad situations," Ash countered. "We both knew that coming into the Alliance. That's why we're here - to make the calls no one else can. And I bet if Kaidan were here, he'd be the first to tell you that you'd made the right call."

Silence hung between them for a moment as Sian sat up, swiping a hand over her face to clear the tears away. "I loved him," she whispered.

"I know."

Sian rose to her feet then, crossing the room to retrieve a fresh set of BDUs. She was just pulling the t-shirt over her head when she froze suddenly. Ash noticed and tilted her head in question. Slowly, Sian met Ash's gaze. "The people I care most about," she started slowly, "... the ones I love … they keep being taken from me …."

Ash saw immediately where Sian was heading with this and rose to her feet. "Rubbish!" she insisted as she crossed the room. Reaching out, she took Sian by her arms and shook her. "Don't go down that road, Sian."

Sian met and held Ash's gaze. "Ash, I -"

"Don't." Ash sighed and dropped her hands. The thought of something dreadful happening to one or the other of them, or perhaps even both, was a fear they both had to live with each and every day. Ash wouldn't say she was superstitious or anything, but to speak of it out loud was just courting danger, right? "You've been through hell and back in your twenty-nine years, Sian! You've seen and survived things no one else ever could. Don't you dare go down that road now. As for me? I'm tough. As tough as they come. You've seen proof of that over the years. So just stop right there. Understood?"

Sian held Ash's fierce gaze for just a moment. "Are you … pulling rank on me?" she asked.

Ash's brow quirked. "Huh. I dunno. Is it working?" she finally countered.

Sian reached out and pulled Ashley close, hugging her tight for a long moment. "Just … promise me," she said quietly as she released her. "No stupid heroics, okay?"

Ash smirked and nodded. "Well, no promises, but then again, I only go for the smart heroics, remember?" And as Sian groaned, shaking her head as she pulled her hair back and twisted it up into a regulation knot, Ash knew her sister would be just fine. It might take a bit longer to get over some of the pain, but at least Ash knew how to help her find her way through it now.


	2. Back From the Mouth of Hell

**_Eden Prime. Time would only tell, but Lieutenant Commander Sian Shepard had a sense that this was all a part of something much larger. That one day she'd look back and realize it was just the beginning. That they'd ventured into the mouth of hell and survived to tell the tale. (Part of the Commander Sian Shepard series.)_**

* * *

_While horse and hero fell,_

_They that had fought so well_

_Came thro' the jaws of Death_

_Back from the mouth of Hell_

_Alfred, Lord Tennyson "The Charge of the Light Brigade"_

* * *

_2183, Eden Prime_

"There was nothing you could do, Commander," the Lieutenant assured her. "It was just … bad luck."

Sian Shepard sighed and stood up, turning to face her companion. "I don't like losing people under my command, Lieutenant," she told him firmly. Another sigh, a slight easing of her stance. It also wasn't fair to take it out on him. "We'll make sure he gets a proper memorial later."

"Yes, ma'am."

Checking her shotgun to be sure it was reloaded, Sian turned. "Right then. We still have a mission to complete. Let's go."

"On your six, ma'am."

On the move once again, Sian led Alenko in the direction of their destination. The last time Nihlus had checked in, he'd been headed into the colony proper to check something out. What exactly that 'something' was, he hadn't said. Sian had tried twice since the attack that had killed Jenkins to reach the turian spectre, to warn him about the drones that had attacked, but he hadn't responded. That told her that he was either in a position that could be compromised if he did so, or that for some reason, he wasn't receiving her communication. Given the surprise nature of the attack, Sian could believe either of the scenarios was as likely as the other.

They continued over the rise of the next hill and, not surprisingly, were set upon by more of the drones that had attacked them earlier. Between herself and Alenko, another sentinel class like herself, they dispatched the things quickly using both weapons and biotics before moving further ahead. Still, the lack of a physical response or presence by anyone - Alliance military or civilian colonist - had Sian concerned. The memories of the video footage that she, Nihlus and Captain Anderson had witnessed aboard ship had been very … vivid. _Where is everyone?_

A hand at her arm and Alenko's voice caught her attention. "Up there, ma'am," he announced quietly, his other hand pointing his gun ahead of them. "Someone's coming."

Sian nodded and moved forward, dropping for cover behind a large boulder. Alenko followed, scrambling into position beside her. Moving to the outer edge, Sian dared a peek around the corner. Her breath caught at what she saw. One, lone Alliance soldier (who else would wear that white and pink armor?) was running for her life away from two … "Bloody hell!" Sian muttered in partial disbelief. "Are those ... geth?"

"The geth haven't been seen outside the Veil in over 200 years!" the Lieutenant exclaimed.

Sian didn't care how long it had been, only that what looked an awful lot like the pictures of geth from her grade school books appeared to be running down an Alliance soldier in the field. Quickly, Sian began gathering the dark energy required to pull off a biotic move of some strength. If the geth were behind this, there was no way in hell she was going to allow them to get another soldier, whether under her command or not!

But before she could release the throw, Sian saw the soldier stumble, falling hard to the ground. Rising, Sian pulled back her arm, preparing to engage the enemy, but the soldier moved more quickly. Rolling to her side, she pulled a pistol out in front of her and fired at practically point blank range. First one target went down, then the other. Both went down hard … and permanently. Moving quickly, Sian scrambled around the boulder and hurried towards the fallen soldier. Alenko followed close behind. "Are you alright?" he called out as they approached.

The soldier began sputtering out a string of curses as she pushed herself to her feet. Startled, Sian gasped softly, subconscious recognition that had been triggered while watching the video aboard ship finally finding purchase with the familiar tirade she was hearing now. A smirk settling on her lips, Sian bit back a chuckle as the soldier responded, "Yeah, I'm good. Lousy, no good …."

"Chief," Sian broke into the preparations for another string of cursing with the ease of someone used to it, "does your mother know you swear worse than any sailor in Alliance held territory?"

Body freezing momentarily, it soon spun around to face Sian directly. That was when Sian knew. For certain. She could see familiar whiskey colored eyes widening in shock through the visor. "Sian?"

Grinning, Sian nodded. She lifted a hand, reaching out and grasping the nearest shoulder and clapping it soundly. "Ashley. Good to see you in one piece."

"I … yeah. You too. How …?"

Sian sighed. "Long story. We got your distress call, though, as we were coming in. We were sent here to pick up the Prothean beacon that was found. Any idea where it is now?"

It took Ash a moment to pull herself from the shock of everything over the past twenty-four hours. "Uh … yeah. The site's down that way," she pointed in the direction they had originally been headed.

Sian tilted her head a little bit at Ash. "Got a grip, soldier?" she asked, her tone only slightly chiding. Just enough to shake Ash free of the rest of the shock.

Ashley straightened suddenly, coming to full attention. "Yes, ma'am!"

Sian nodded once. "Good. Lead on then."

And she did. They encountered a few more geth along the way, a fact which led Sian to quiz Ashley about their presence. However, the Chief had nothing additional to add to what Sian and Alenko already knew … which was next to nothing. Upon arriving at the dig site, they found the beacon gone. Nihlus chose that time to link up as well, indicating he was moving off to an unspecified area and that he'd meet up with Sian's team there.

They continued on. Eventually, they arrived at the transport station leading to the spaceport, the destination some farmers they'd found hiding in one of the pre-fab buildings had indicated was the likely destination of both the beacon and the geth. Sadly, it also appeared to have been Nihlus' final destination. Sian knelt beside the turian, reaching out to check for a pulse, but it was pretty clear the spectre was dead. Another tip had the three heading down towards the train that would take them to the spaceport. More geth stood between them and the train, but after a somewhat ferocious firefight, a few scratches and near misses, they made it to the transport. As Sian finally got the vehicle moving, she could hear the other two finally officially introducing themselves.

"You know the Commander?" Alenko asked at one point.

There was a pause before Ashley responded, but when she did, Sian heard the smirk in her tone. "Yeah, you could say that."

Their arrival at the spaceport did not go unnoticed they found out a few minutes later as, the moment they stepped off the train they immediately came under fire. That was also when Sian noticed the bomb near the platform. "Want me to take care of it, Commander?" Alenko asked, offering up his tech skills for the mission.

"Just keep me covered," Sian replied. "I think I can handle this one." And she did. She also realized in the process that this was probably not the _only_ one in the vicinity. So the hunt began. With Ash and Alenko covering her, they made their way through the area, and by the time they were satisfied they had cleared it all, a total of four bombs had been defused.

"You always did like living a bit on the wild side of things," Ash quipped to Sian as they descended to the landing platform.

"What can I say?" Sian countered easily. "You rubbed off on me."

"Hah! Don't you even _dare_ suggest that I am in any way responsible for your actions!"

They found the beacon at last. Sian contacted the _Normandy_, informing them of the fact and calling them in for a pick-up before turning to speak to Ash a bit more about what had happened on the colony. But, as she lifted her gaze to glance at the Prothean device once again, she felt her heart take a sideways lurch in her chest. Pushing Ash out of the way, she darted around and hurried to Alenko's side. Whatever this beacon was, whatever its purpose, at the moment it was pulling the Lieutenant into some sort of energy field. Grabbing him around his waist with both arms and using all of her strength, she struggled to break him free of whatever pull the device had on him. She'd be damned if she was going to lose another soldier today. Especially now that the mission was over!

What she hadn't calculated on was the beacon pulling _her_ into its grasp, refusing to let her free. Sian fought it as best she could, every effort of will she could draw from going into the fight, but she knew she'd lost the battle the instant before she was lifted off the ground and saw the 'vision.' Somewhere behind her, she heard Alenko's voice calling out her name, as well. In the visual deluge that followed, she could only grasp pieces and parts, her mind struggling beneath the onslaught and holding on as best she could. In the heartbeat before the beacon released her, Sian felt the world around her blacken. She never felt her body hitting the ground.

Ash couldn't stop pacing. Alenko had been inside the medbay for ages now. What was supposed to have been a 'quick' check on the Commander had ended up a multi-hour bedside vigil, it seemed. Frustrating as all getout, but then, Ash could understand why. She knew Sian well enough to understand the draw she had for her officers and the enlisted personnel serving for her. By all accounts, Sian was an exceptional commanding officer.

Which turned Ash's thoughts for just a moment. Shortly after the team's return to the _Normandy_, Captain Anderson had pulled her aside, debriefed her on what had happened on Eden Prime, and then asked if she wanted to join the crew. Ash had been … astounded, to say the least. However, not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, she'd snapped up the offer on the spot without hesitation. How long had she been trying to get a shipboard assignment? Too damned long. And that had been with the somewhat secret support of Sian, too. Wouldn't she be tickled to find out that Ash's first experience would be with Sian as her Commander?

That was assuming that Sian was okay, of course. That thought had Ash chewing on her lower lip again. A few hours before, she had tried to stick her head into the med bay (that's when she realized that Alenko was pulling bedside vigil), but Dr. Chakwas had simply chased her off with a calm, "The Commander will be fine in due time, Gunnery Chief." Ash was considering trying again, though she had doubts about whether she'd be able to make it in past the doc again, when she heard the Captain walk up beside her. "Chief," he greeted her.

Ash snapped to attention. "Sir."

The man chuckled. Though he had his moments as a hardass (his debrief had been an experience … he'd wanted answers to questions Ash couldn't even begin to answer), Ash found she kind of liked him. "At ease, Chief," he told her. "Dr. Chakwas messaged me that the Commander has regained consciousness. We'll be at the Citadel soon. Why don't you go relax before you're pulled into all the political nonsense that's bound to be tied up with this mission?"

Ash opened her mouth to speak, but soon found herself closing it again. What was there to say? "Yeah. Okay. Thank you, sir," she managed as he entered the med bay and she was left with the only option to go sit in the mess or find some quiet corner somewhere.

A short while later, Ash looked up as Alenko took a seat beside her at the table. Straightening (he was a superior officer, after all), she asked, "How's the Commander?"

She watched as he shrugged. "Okay, I guess. Doc says she will be fine. Something about REM cycles while she was out, but the Commander thinks it was more than just a dream. A 'vision,' she called it. From the look on her face, I gather it wasn't a pleasant one."

"Hmm." Ash glanced down at her hands which were laying on the table in front of her. "Not surprising, I guess," she added after a moment.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

Ash sighed. "Do you know Sian's … I mean, the Commander's background?" she asked.

She turned to face him, saw him frown a little, but ultimately he nodded. "Grew up on Mindoir, escaped the batarian slaver attack. Survived a thresher maw attack on Akuze."

Ash nodded. "Let me tell you, she's seen and lived through more than most people ever do in a lifetime. _Two_ lifetimes," she added.

"So … you know the Commander?" Alenko then asked, cocking his head to the side as he watched and waited on her reply to the same question he'd asked her back on Eden Prime.

Ash nodded. "Yeah, you could say that," she murmured, same response as before. It was her standard answer to that question. But really, what else was there to say? If she was being honest about it all, Ash wasn't quite sure how much she should say about the past she shared with Sian. It was _her_ story to tell, not Ash's. But then again, it seemed as if the three of them would be working together for a while. And, wouldn't it be better to get the truth out now instead of letting scuttlebutt toss it around the ship for a while, filling it up with inaccuracies and half-truths?

"It's okay, Williams," Alenko's voice broke in. "I won't ask you to break any confidences."

Ash snorted softly. Sian hadn't asked her to make any, not really. But there was something about her, something that Ash had instinctively felt the need to … protect. She'd known it that day they'd met all those years ago. Time, distance, separation … none of that had changed any of it either. "Thanks, LT," Ash finally told him before rising to her feet. "That's really her call to make, anyway." She glanced around the area. "Guess I'll just … go settle in."

Alenko chuckled. "You do that," he advised. "Sounds like we might have our hands full once we arrive at the Citadel."

Turning back for a moment, Ash gave him a hard look. "Oh?"

He, too, rose, turning to leave while calling over his shoulder, "Politics, Chief. Intergalactic politics."

Ash rolled her eyes and turned to walk away, an old familiar saying of her father's coming to mind. "_Out of the frying pan and into the fire." This is what you wanted, Maddie, m'dear._ Sighing, Ash went below to stow her gear. How could she argue with the truth?

It was Alenko who alerted Sian to Ashley's whereabouts, and the moment she'd finished speaking with him, she took off in search of the Chief.

How long had it been since they'd last seen each other? Sian wondered. Since Ashley's father's funeral, Sian supposed. She'd attended, in full dress uniform, straight out of N7 training, no less. There had been a specific reason for that, though she doubted many had noticed. For, despite the family history, the nature of their past military decisions, Sian felt she'd owed it to the man who had taken her in, given her a port in the storm that had become her life at age sixteen, and shown her a way to continue on living. She'd been so lost at first. The attack had done more than kill her family, destroy the colony, steal hundreds of young, innocent children and force them into slavery. It had destroyed the essence of who she was. The naive girl who had wanted to follow in her father's footsteps in running the family farm.

Sian didn't remember much from that experience, thankfully. Occasionally, she would have nightmares resulting in being torn awake, pulse and breathing rates vacillating wildly, but the actual memories never made it past the opening of her eyes. The first thing she really remembered was being found by the Alliance marines on Mindoir, the ones who rescued her and took her to safety. Mr. Williams had been a part of that ground team, talking her out of the cover she'd been so careful to hide in, away from the batarians who had been chasing her for several days. He'd been the one to convince her that it was safe, that she needed food and water and sleep. He had also been the one to begin the process of arranging for the family to foster Sian Shepard in the years following the attack. At the time, Sian hadn't been aware of much that was going on around her. Lost in a world of pain and a haze of despair, she had simply followed and not questioned anything.

That had come later.

Stepping off the lift, Sian spotted Ashley on the far side of the shuttle bay, hard at work at one of the armory tables. No doubt cleaning and modding weapons to perfection. Sian smiled at that. Hard to argue with such skills. Crossing the bay, Sian approached Ash quietly. "Hey."

"Hey," Ash responded without even glancing in her direction.

Folding her arms across her chest, Sian leaned up against the line of lockers next to the table. "You okay?"

That _did_ cause Ash to turn and look at her, Sian noted. "Now that I know you're okay, yeah. I guess. You had me and Alenko pretty worried there for a while."

Sian chuckled. "I can imagine," she replied. "Sorry about that."

Ash snorted. "Yeah, well … comes with knowing you, I guess, right?"

Sian's smile widened. "You'd probably know that best." Straightening then, Sian took a step closer. "Ash, about what happened down there …."

Ashley apparently had expected her to comment on that. "Not now, Sian," the younger woman managed, hands braced against the table. Sian watched closely as her friend kept her gaze focused on the gun before her. "Maybe … later … I dunno."

Sighing (for Sian knew how stubborn Ash could be at times), Sian closed the distance further, lifting a hand to rest on Ashley's shoulder. Squeezing firmly, she told her, "I'm here, if and when you want to talk about it."

"Thanks."

There were a few minutes of silence between them, but as had occurred many times in the past, they were of the companionable variety. It wasn't until Joker's voice broke through on the comm that the silence was erased. "Commander? We're coming in on the Citadel in about ten."

Sian glanced over at Ash. "Have you ever seen the Citadel on approach?" she asked.

Ash shook her head. "Hell, I've only been there once, and that was way back," she replied.

Sian grinned. "Come on then. Let's get up to the cockpit. This is something you _have_ to see to believe!"

As she led the way to the elevator, Sian realized that the old familiarity was still there. She knew it had the potential to cause problems in the chain of command structure, but at this point she was more concerned about having people she knew and trusted at her back. Alenko had earned that right with his actions on Eden Prime. Ash had earned it years before when her family had taken in a broken down girl and helped her find a way back to life. Fate had a way of dealing blows - some good, some bad - yet in a way that most people who faced them found a way to deal with them. Ash would have her turn, dealing with the deaths of her squad on Eden Prime. Alenko, too. He'd known Jenkins before being assigned to the _Normandy_, after all. And Sian? Time would only tell, but the Lieutenant Commander had a sense that this was all a part of something much larger. One day, she figured she'd look back at these events and realize that it was just the beginning. That they'd ventured into the mouth of hell and survived to tell the tale. But only time would be able to tell that story.


	3. There Lies the Port

_**The following three chapters are part of a larger work entitled "I Am A Part of All That I Have Met". All titles and snippets within are from Alfred, Lord Tennyson's "Ulysses". **_

_**Summary: Against all odds, Sian Shepard escaped death on Mindoir. Now taken in by a foster family, she learns how to live and love again. Ashley Williams is used to being treated different. But as she helps her new 'sister' recover, she learns a few things too.**_

* * *

_"There lies the port; the vessel puffs her sail:  
There gloom the dark broad seas. My mariners,  
Souls that have toiled, and wrought, and thought  
with me—"_

_Alfred, Lord Tennyson "Ulysses"_

_2170_

Bold. Brash. Outspoken. Those were the words used most often to describe her. Well, those who didn't really know her. Those outside of her 'circle.' Inside that circle, she was independent. Strong. Capable. A true Williams. For only being twelve, Ashley Madeline Williams thought she was doing pretty damn good for herself.

But things changed. Well, not so much that 'things' changed, but the situation did. She knew, of course, the family history. Of how others viewed her, her father, the family name. You didn't get past your first year of school without realizing that the scowls being thrown in your direction by your teacher meant something more than you were misbehaving when you knew you weren't. It took most of that first year just to understand that it wasn't _you_ but your _name_ that was the problem. When you asked your parents about it, they explained that memories tended to last longer than the people who created them. They were carried down through history, taglines to events, places, individuals. And there wasn't much of anything that could be done about it. You learned to live with it, even though you hated it and called it unfair. Even though you _knew_ it wasn't right. But there was no changing some peoples' minds, and really that wasn't the battle that needed fighting anyways. Plus, as her father reminded her before shipping out to his next duty station, you reminded yourself on a daily basis that 'actions spoke louder than words.' What you did counted more, not the memories.

And that was daily life. You got used to it after a while (or, at least you told yourself you did, and some days you actually believed it), and you moved on, but you always knew that if and/or when you needed any kind of support, you had a home to go to. People who loved you. A port. A safe harbor.

And then you wake up one day and life throws you an unexpected curve ball and suddenly you are faced with something else entirely. Something just as painful, hurtful, difficult to deal with, but for completely different reasons. Something that makes you question. Makes you step outside that box and look at things in a different way. You think. You feel. Something that helps you see outside your own situation and that things could be a whole hell of a lot worse than what you've got to deal with. And you begin to wonder just how bad can your situation really be when compared to that?

Ashley spent much of that bright summer day bored. Abby was off reading one of her books (not that this was a bad thing, just not what Ash had it mind for today), Lynn wasn't interested in anything but playing with her dolls (_again_) and Sarah was just too young. Ashley first tried to find some enjoyment down at the nearby creek, a place she sometimes chased frogs or snakes. In really wet years, she could sometimes follow the creek out to the small pond about a mile away and catch fish, but this year was proving to be one of the dry years and so she'd not had much luck there other than to end up with a few scratches on her arms and dust all over her feet. But it had gotten her up to lunchtime.

After that, though, it became tough. None of the other kids in the neighborhood wanted to play with her, or her sisters. It was that name thing again. No matter where they went or lived, it seemed to follow them around like a dark rain cloud, persistently hanging on overhead and waiting to drizzle all over you when you either least expected it or hoped most that it wouldn't. And so, she'd retreated to the family yard.

That was safe enough, she supposed. Though most of the families in their neighborhood acted as if they were …. _Oh, what was that word mom used?_ Ash frowned and tried to concentrate. _It began with a P … sounded like some sort of old Earth killer fish?_

Well, whatever the case, the point was that, though the neighbors didn't like them, they wouldn't openly cause harm or anything, especially to the kids. There were _some_ lines that wouldn't be crossed at least. So Ash had found her way to the front stoop, grabbing one of her many balls along the way, this one bouncy enough she could toss it off the solid pathway that ran up to the front door and play catch by herself all while she just sat there. Waiting. Hoping time would, as adults often told her, 'fly by.' Sighing heavily, Ash blew at the loose tendrils of dark hair that had escaped her ponytail and now tickled her nose. She was still waiting to see wings.

The twist came some several hours later.

Still bouncing the ball and playing catch of a sort with herself, Ashley glanced up at the sound of a skycar approaching. She recognized the logo on the side of the door instantly: Alliance Military. Ignoring the sharp stab of fear that sliced through her chest at its sudden appearance, she jumped to her feet and called out in a voice that she hoped didn't betray that fear. "Mom!"

With that uncanny foresight that mothers often have, Mrs. Williams appeared almost instantly, stepping outside through the front door. She descended the steps as the door to the vehicle opened, pausing only a moment to squeeze Ashley's shoulder in reassurance. "It's okay, Ash."

Ash could only nod, eyes glued to the figure emerging on the far side of the car. All the while, though, she prayed. She might only be twelve, but mom's insistence on church every week had taught her a healthy respect for faith. _Please, don't let it be about dad! Please let him be okay! _The Williams women were strong, she knew that. She lived that every single day. But there were limits to that strength, that was something she had recognized early on. Yet, the loss of her father was something that she didn't think they would be able to withstand ….

"Maddy, m'dear!"

Ash's eyes widened in relief as she heard his familiar voice call out to her. "Dad!" she shouted, jumping down off the front porch and running around to launch herself at her father. He caught her, as he always did, and hugged her tight. He was the _only_ one allowed to call her by any version of her middle name.

It was as he was setting her back onto her feet that Ash noticed he wasn't alone. Sneaking a peek around him, she spotted a lone figure sitting slightly hunched over in the back seat of the vehicle. "Who's that?" she asked, curiosity getting the better of her in that moment. So much so that she missed the look exchanged between her parents just before Mr. Williams turned to assist his companion out of the vehicle.

Right away, Ash could see something was definitely wrong. It was difficult to judge how old the girl getting out of the car was. She was quite a bit taller than Ash, which led her to think she must be considerably older, but the look in her eyes …. Ash swallowed tightly feeling almost guilty for being fearful just a few moments before. Whatever she might have felt at having lost her father, it was clear by the pain she could see in this person's eyes that she'd endured a hell of a lot more than that.

"Ashley, this is Sian Shepard. She's going to stay with us for a little while," Mr. Williams explained. "Sian, Ashley is the oldest of our four girls."

There was an awkward moment of silence then, Ash meeting Sian's gaze and trying to interpret all she was seeing there, until finally Mrs. Williams set a hand upon Ash's shoulder. "Ashley, would you please show Sian to the guest room?"

"Uh, sure, mom." Stepping away, Ash gestured Sian to follow her. They remained quiet until reaching the door to the room. Ash stepped inside first and flipped on the light. "Boy, you're lucky," she murmured, hoping to stir some sort of reaction from the new girl. "You get a room all to yourself!"

Sian was slow to enter, but finally did so. She was carrying one bag over her shoulder which she set on the floor next to the dresser. It was as she was turning around to watch Sian more closely that Ash realized her mother must have made a quick dusting of the one room in their house that was rarely used.

"It's … nice."

Ash smiled. "At least you'll have a place to hide when you need a break from the rest of us," she commented. "When I try to do that, I still have Abby to contend with. She and I share a room," she added as an afterthought. "Lynn and Sar share one too."

Sian nodded, barely. Ash watched her walk further inside, moving over to the window to stare outside. She thought maybe to follow, to try to engage Sian in some further talk, but a soft sound at the doorway had her hesitating. Glancing over her shoulder, she found her parents standing there, side by side. Both looked incredibly saddened, and Ash found herself worrying just a bit once again. Mrs. Williams, however, was quick to wave Ash off from moving towards their guest. Instead, Ash exited the room, following her father as her mother entered the room instead. "Dad?"

He waited until they were in the main living area before he responded. "Yes, Maddie?"

Ash chewed on her lip as she tried to decide what exactly she was trying to ask. "What's wrong?"

Sighing, Mr. Williams sat down on the sofa. Ash was quick to crawl up beside him. Wrapping his arm around his daughter's shoulders, he began, "You know why I am in the Alliance, right?"

Ash nodded. "To help and protect those who can't do so for themselves," she replied. This was something he'd explained to her a long time ago.

He nodded. "That's right. There will always be people who will need our help with that."

"And Sian's one of them?"

Another heavy sigh. Hugging Ash close, he nodded. "Yes, she is, Maddy. She's had a very bad time of it. She was on Mindoir, and the Alliance wasn't fast enough to help them all."

Ash frowned. She'd heard about Mindoir recently … someone at school had talked about it. An attack. Many were killed. Children taken. "But … I thought no one survived?" she mused distractedly.

"It isn't common knowledge," her father explained patiently. "We want to keep her safe from further harm, you see, so we're keeping her survival quiet for now."

Ash frowned. "How bad is she hurt?"

"Physically, just a few scratches, a bit of malnourishment, some sleep deprivation. She was all alone and hiding for several days by herself. But psychologically?" He turned to face Ashley. "Sian lost her parents and older brother, Maddy. She saw them killed right in front of her."

Ash cringed. Sure, she'd had nightmares on occasion of losing her father in battle or in some sort of accident aboard ship, but to have to watch your family as they were killed right in front of you? No wonder Sian's eyes seemed so ... distant. Lost. "Why is she here, then?" she asked next.

That had him smiling. "She's here because I thought we could help her heal," he explained. "Because I know my Williams girls know how to stand strong together, to help others who need it. I thought we might be able to offer Sian a port in the storm that her life has become."

_A port …._ The word triggered a memory, something she and her father had shared months ago before he'd left on this current deployment. "There lies the port; the vessel puffs her sail: There gloom the dark broad seas. My mariners, Souls that have toiled, and wrought, and thought with me—"

Ash glanced up smiling as the last echoes of their two voices faded from the room. "We'll find a way to help her, dad," she promised.

His smile was like a ray of sunshine, Ash thought. Warm. Soothing. Strong. "I have no doubt that you will, Maddy," he replied while ruffling her hair. "No doubts at all."


End file.
